You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize