He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
