I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
