I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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