I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
