if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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