doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
