i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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