Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry about my life...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
