i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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