I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize