I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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