his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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