I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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