My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
