bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
