hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
