She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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