remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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