Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
