Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
