Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
