That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
