It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
