Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
