I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
