and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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