Only a mothe r could love this liver
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
