i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Of course I have a pirate flag
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
