I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
