I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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