That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
