Rock
Scissors
Fuck
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is my gift to your gina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
