I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize