Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
