please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
