just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
