it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
