sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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