i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
