why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
