I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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