there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
