shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
