hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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