I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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