Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I will die if light touches me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize