does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
