Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
