Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
