Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
