At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
