you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
