I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
