If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
home. puking in laundry basket.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
