Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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