I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
