so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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