So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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