If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
