You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A bitchslap is in order.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
