god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
