i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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