u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
