she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
