I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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