you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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