Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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