I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
