i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
