he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
