If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
