So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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