this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
