How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
