Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
