I must be too annoying 4 u.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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