im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
