Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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