I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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