there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
