She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
