i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
