if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
