don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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