I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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