im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize