I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
