Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
