The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
