He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he fucked my hip out of place.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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