OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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