READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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