There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
