so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize